To Have Lost
by Anoke
Summary: Vegeta Pushes Trunks over his limits, Trunks runs off, will Vegeta realize what his son means to him before Trunks turns his back on him for good? Find out! Chapter 6 is up!
1. I Confide

"To have Lost"

**By:** Anoke

**Disclaimers**: I Don't own Dragonball Z Or "I confide" By Dry Cell

**Feedback:** Good or Bad are Welcomed

**Notes:** Sorry if it sucks it's my first fic.

Trunks is 16, Goten 15, Marron is 12, Bulla is 7 and Pan is 6.

**_/This is Trunks thinking to himsefl/_** This is a strictly Trunks POV Story.

It's a SongFic Story, Every chapter is a song fic, just a diffrent song, if you don't like them sorry but that's what this is **Try to read the song lyrics as you go**

**ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo**

It's another normal day for me. My Father is forcing me to train, now don't get me wrong I have no problem training, I like it half the time.. I get to spend time with my dad and sometimes he treats me as if im his son.. What a _shocker_. Today though he is being extra hard on me, I think it's because I still cant beat Gohan.. What does he want from me? He's 10 years older than me.. Today is tough.. He woke me up at 4:44 this morning, hasent let me eat or even have a break and it's already 11:32 AM... He has been fighting harder also.. What does he expect from me? Im strong! I can beat goten no problem! Even piccolo! Just because I cant beat gohan I get this treatment?

_I dont wanna talk_

_Youre too busy gone_

_Youre too busy being strong_

_You can never guide_

_dunno how to hide_

_I confide somethings wrong_

_What is it you see when you look at me_

_Am I all you hoped Id be_

_Or have I become the ungrateful son_

_You know, the one you speak of_

Everytime I ask him for a break he screams at me

"No! Break's are for the weak!" he would say.. Doesnt he get im only 16? Im still a kid sort of. I need to go outside and do other things then fight martial arts.. Yes I want to be good but I also want to have some fun, the funny thing is when I was younger I thought that my father didnt show any one love thats why he never acted as if he loved me or even cared that I existed. Thats what everyone told me **"oh trunks your father shows love in diffrent ways"** they all would say

and me being the fool I am believed them. All until Bulla was born, dad couldnt be happier. He had a little girl he could love. Yay for him. What about his son? Well I got treated as even more of a outcast. And no one could see it **"oh trunks your just overreacting"** they would say.. Oh yeah over reacting?.. I don't even think my name is Trunks! My father never calls me it, I think my name is Brat Vegeta Brief, or Boy Vegeta Brief.. Not Trunks Vegeta Brief.. At first when my sister was 3 months old my father acted like he might change his ways and show me that he actually does care . ... yeah right!

_I remember back to when I was young_

_There was so much going on_

_We were very tight_

_Now we always fight_

_I confide somethings wrong_

_Nothings ever good_

_Nothings ever pure_

_As you slam another door_

_Who am I to be_

_What will I become_

_Im not a child anymore_

When I was younger I got what ever love my father offered to me. And I was happy with that I was happy when he smiled at me, why? Because it showed he didnt hate me! And that maybe he did care that I was born! But after his "princess" was born everything changed. At first I tried to be understanding to why my father showed more love to my little sister than to me. But I got sick of being understanding! You would to! When I was 10 and bulla was 1 I would ALWAYS get in a hell of a lot of trouble just for waking up the stupid child! It would be **"Trunks! get over here right now you woke up the baby!" **at the end of it all I have gotten a nasty spanking, I would get spanked about... 3 to 4 times a day since I was so careless around the baby

_Follow me out_

_Into the world_

_Wish there was some way for me to be heard_

_More that we shout_

_The further I am_

_We do this over and over again_

This time I cant take what my father is doing! He is pushing me over my limits! I love my dad, I even love my sister but I cant be the one everyone dumps their problems on, they expect me to do everything! Oh im the oldest, im the strongest! Im the first born! Im the boy! But then bulla turns around and gets all the attention afterwards! Thats not right! I do all the work! I work so hard for my parents love and respect and I just get tossed aside as if im not even part of the family!

_To tell the truth I been getting through_

_Everytime I pass through you_

_Ive been moving on finally belong_

_I confide somethings wrong_

_Maybe we can mend in a couple years after all the air has cleared_

_But I think for now Ill be moving on_

_I gotta learn to be strong_

With his words he pushed me over and beyond my limits! I cant take it anymore! Why does he treat me like this? Why does he not care! Why does he treat me as if im some piece of garbage laying on the side of the road! He tells me I need to be like my ancestors and to be strong and respectable! Im sure they were all great! But they are dead! They were killed! Every single one of them killed only two remaining! And he is yelling at me for being beaten by Gohan!

_Why_

_Why did you_

_Why_

_Why did you_

_Why_

_Why did you turn away_

_Why_

_Why did you_

_Why_

_Why did you_

_Why_

_Why did you turn away_

_Why_

_Why did you_

_Why_

_Why did you_

_Why_

_Why did you turn away_

He screams at me

"Your not worthy to have royal sayian blood flowing through your veins !" he screams

"Shut up! Just shut up im sick of hearing you scream at me!" I scream back at him!

"Why the hell do you think you are talking to! If I ever talked to my -

I cut him off, I know what he is going to say I don't care! I've tried to be nice and understanding! He hates me but to tell you the truth he hates himself I am him everything about me is him! And he cant stand it!

_Tell me what you see when you look at me_

_Am I all you hoped Id be_

_You dont have the right_

_Everything is fine_

_Because I can confide_

"Why? Why do you treat me as if im nothing? Why did you even have me if you were going to treat me like this?" I yell trying to hold back my tears

"Why? Why do I treat you like your nothing you ask.. You are nothing! And for your information I never wanted you! Your damn mother is the one that wanted you! Go bug her about why you were born!" he sneers

_Follow me out_

_Into the world_

_Wish there was some way for me to be heard_

_The more that we shout_

_The further I am_

_We do this over and over again_

I cant believe he just admitted it! To my face he admitted he never wanted me! Of course! Bulla was planned I wasent thats why he treats her like royalty

"Agh! Fine! If you never wanted me then consider me not your son anymore!" I scream

"Oh and where are you going to go?" he asks with a smirk on his face

"Where will I go? Anywhere that fits the nothing I am!" I scream as I run out of the Gravity room

_Why_

_Why did you_

_Why_

_Why did you_

_Why_

_Why did you_

_Why_

_And we do this over and over again_

_Why_

_Why did you_

_Why_

_Why did you_

_Why_

_And we do this over and over again_

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Whatcha think? Good, Bad? Decent? PLEASE TELL ME **Review review review review! I beg you to review! **Im going to be writing some more chapters explaining where he is going and junk like that so please **review** and tell me what you think!

Anoke


	2. Wasteland

"To have Lost"

**By:** Anoke

**Disclaimers**: I Don't own Dragonball Z Or "Wasteland" By 10 Years

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_Change my attempt good intentions..._

Well I did it, I made my big move, I showed my father that I wont take this any more. And what did I accomplish out of it? I have no place to live, my father now has the choice if he wants me as a son or not, and did I mention I have no place to live? What was I thinking? Agh! I wont apologize though! I wont come home until he apologize's for everything he has done, why should I be the one to always say im sorry or always come running back? No not this time! Yes I have left home in the past but I only ran off to goten's I never told my father I was leaving. I would just leave. Come to think of it I cant even go to goten's house his mom will nag me about why I left home and then my mom will come nag me and I will probably be dragged back home. I cant let that happen! I wont let that happen!

_Crouched over_

_You were not there_

_Living in fear_

_But signs were not really that scarce_

_Obvious tears_

_And I will not_

_Hide you through this_

_I want you to help_

_Please see_

_The bleeding heart perched on my shirt_

Where can I go? I cant go to Goten's I cant go home, I was stupid and ran out without getting my money.. Who does that? I ran off and not even remembering I grab anything, I don't know how long I will be gone, the only one that would miss me would be Mom, Dad admitted he never wanted me, Bulla will miss me yes, but not in the sweet "oh big brother I love you" way.. In the I need my human doll back. Yes I know it is sad, I love my little sister to death, I don't hate her, I would die for her! But she just annoys me.. Does that make sense? Where to go now? Well as I told dad, I should find a place that fits the nothing I am. Im a nobody. A outcast by my father.

_Die, withdraw_

_Hide in cold sweat_

_Quivering lips_

_Ignore remorse_

_Naming a kid, living wasteland_

_This time you've tried_

_All that you can turning you red_

Im wondering the roads, the empty roads... there is no one out, everyone is inside with their family's... they are just enjoying each others company.. Maybe its for the best I left, me and dad just constantly fought, Bulla got me in trouble half the time, and mom just worried about me all the time... yes! I think it's for the best.. Only bad part is im on the streets, no food, no water no place to sleep. I don't even have a change of clothes... I could always fight for some money, I heard people bet all the time, but would that be fair? No one has a chance of beating me.. But how else can I get some money? I cant get a job since im 16 I would need my parents permission.. I couldnt ask dad for any help he would just laugh and say **"I thought you wernt my son any more brat" **...

_Change my attempt good intentions_

_Should I, could I_

_Here we are with your obsession_

_Should I, could I_

I pick up the payphone and dial my friends house

"Hello Mrs Son is Goten there?" I say trying to disguise my voice

"Yes can I ask who's calling?" She asks

"Um.. It's Duke, yeah Duke!" I say

"Okay duke.. One second" She says

"Uhh sorry but where did we meet again?" Goten asks

"Stupid! Its me Trunks!" I say

"Trunks! (:in background: Trunks? He's on the phone: his mother asks) what? Oh no mom Im telling Duke that I need some trunks! Yeah thats it!" goten says

"Smart move.. Go in your room dofus" I tell him

"Trunks! Your mom and dad are looking for you! Why did you run off" goten asks

"Reasons... just... I'll explain later I need you to sneak into my bedroom and grab me some stuff" I tell him

"Oh no way! I am not going into your room! Especially when your missing!" goten says

"Goten! Just do it I need some clothes, my money, and the case of capsules in my top drawer" I tell him

"No way trunks!" he trys to refuse

"Just do it goten! And meet me at our old hide out in a hour! Bye goten!" I tell him and hang up

_Crowned hopeless_

_The article read living wasteland_

_This time you've tried_

_All that you can turning you red_

_but I will not_

_Hide you through this_

_I want you to help_

Goten of course did what I asked, he managed to get me everything I needed without my parents finding out, he told me my mom is worried sick and crying all the time, Bulla is actually crying.. I wonder if she misses me or her giant doll.. He also told me dad is doing nothing diffrent just cursing me saying im in a heap of a lot of trouble when I get back.. As if I would come back after one day! Dad needs to learn im not some dumb kid he can push around when he please's.

_Change my attempt good intentions_

_Should I, could I_

_Here we are with your obsession_

_Should I, could I_

the money I had saved away only lasted me a couple days, I cant believe I have been gone for 6 days already, Im keeping my energy low so they cant sense out where I am, it would be pointless.. But I know someone had to of sensed me, maybe they don't care, maybe they to are happy that I am gone, away from them. Or it could be the opposite, they could sense me but just want me to figure things out for myself..

_Heave the silver hollow sliver_

_Piercing through another victim_

_Turn and tremble be judgmental_

_Ignorant to all the symbols_

_Blind the face with beauty paste_

_Eventually you'll one day know_

Im doing as I said I found a place that fits a nothing like me, I found my perfect home, I found my _wasteland_ where you ask? In a small town it is only about 10 minutes away from my home a capsule corp.. could I really ever call it that? My home? Was it? Or was it my prison? I may sound childish, selfish even wrong about all of this. But you havent lived one day as being me, as being the son of Vegeta.

_Change my attempt good intentions_

_Limbs tied, skin tight_

_Self inflicted his perdition_

_Should I, could I_

_Change my attempt good intentions_

_Should I, could I_

_Should I, could I_

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Okay another chapter, you like? Review and tell me! I picked the song "Wasteland" by 10 years because I thought it fit this chapter, he needed to find a place that was his, and he found it, his wasteland


	3. Life of my Own

"To have Lost"

**By:** Anoke

**Disclaimers**: I Don't own Dragonball Z Or "Life of my own" By 3 doors down

**Notes:** I just realized in the first chapter I put " Sorry if it sucks it's my first fic." I copied and pasted all the disclaimers and ages from my previous story and I forgot to take that out. Sorry for the mix up!

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_Living risky, never scared, wander_

_Closer to the edge_

_Nothing valued think no fear, always_

_Wondering why youre here_

_All your purposes are gone, nothings_

_Right and nothings wrong_

_Nothing ventured, nothing gained_

_Feel no sorrow, feel no pain_

Surprisingly I found a place to live, I found a home.. For how long though? Will it be the same as before? Will I be turned away? Is there something wrong with me? Maybe dad had every right not to want me.. Maybe I was the problem.. Maybe I shouldnt have blown up in his face, if I did I never would of left. Agh! But what kind of life was I living? The life they wanted me to live? Yes.. If I wasent training for my father I was studying for my mother. Was my mother wrong for wanting to have me? Would any of our family care if I just dropped off the face of the earth and never returning? Will they feel sorrow? Will they feel pain? I have been gone for almost a month. No one has gone looking for me?

_Kiss me while Im still alive_

_Kill me while I kiss the sky_

_Let me die on my own terms, let me_

_Live and let me learn_

_Now Ill follow my own way, and ill_

_Live on to another damn day_

_Freedom carries sacrifice, remember when this was my life_

Have they? Do I care if they have? Would I gladly go back to capsule corp to be with my family?  
Or will I have to be forced to return to my prison and be the outcast? Everyone always said im overreacting that everything will be okay! Do I look okay! I left the only place I knew, I left my family and friends, I told my father I don't want to be his son anymore IS THIS OKAY TO EVERYONE! Maybe they just didnt care. I was always the screw up in ChiChi's eyes.. Atleast at capsule corp my family was smart enough not to talk about me behind my back while I was around. At the Son's house.. I was in the NEXT room and ChiChi and the others were bad talking me. Am I really so bad that I cant be loved or even cared for?

_Looking forward, not behind_

_Everybodys got to cross that line_

_Free me now to give me a place,_

_Keep me caged and free the beast_

_Falling faster, time goes by, fear is_

_Not seen through these eyes_

_What there was will never be, now_

_Im blind and cannot see_

That is all I want. Just one person to love me, to care that im alive and breathing.. My father already told me he never wanted me. But you would think over the years he would learn to care a little bit, right? Wrong! If the person is unlovable, no matter how many years go by, they will just be your burden, the one you are forced to watch over, the one you are forced to show interest in why do they all have to lie? Why not just take off their mask's and show me their true self. Am I being childish? Thinking these things? If it wasent true why wouldnt anyone come for me? Maybe they think I need my space? Maybe they cant find me...?

_Kiss me while Im still alive_

_Kill me while I kiss the sky_

_Let me die on my own terms, let me_

_Live and let me learn_

_Now Ill follow my own way, and ill_

_Live on to another damn day_

_Freedom carries sacrifice, remember when this was my life_

I wish just one person will come, just to prove I have one person to live for. I love them all but what is loving a person if you get no love back? Why should you care? Why should you want to die for them when they can careless if you live or die? Maybe my father cares if I live or die. No matter how much I was unwanted no matter how much he hates the sight of me, I am still his son. Nothing can change that, not his words of hatred, not my words.. Nothing can change the blood flowing through my veins. If I died he wouldnt have his punching bag. No my father never abused me. His words did the worst part. Maybe I was lucky for that? Maybe it could have been worse, my father could have beat me with his hatred... But wasent his words bad enough? His words could tear you into on the inside. He would just mock me afterwords! Am I lucky? Or am I just stupid for taking it all those years?..

_Kiss me while Im still alive_

_Kill me while I kiss the sky_

_Let me die on my own terms, let me_

_Live and let me learn_

_Now Ill follow my own way, and ill_

_Live on to another damn day_

_Freedom carries sacrifice, remember when this was my life_

I was snapped out of my train of thoughts when I heard someone coming, I peak around the corner only to see my father walking angrily up the path.. What does he want? To spit in my face? I wont go back with him I wont! He turns the corner and see's me. I wont run from him, he will just think im a coward for it

"Your coming home Brat" he says coldly

"No. This is my home and im not leaving!" I say with the same coldness in my voice

"Oh is that what you think?" He says as he's grabbing the back of my neck

No.. He cant be taking me back there! Why why does he care if im there or gone? why did it have to be him to come? i already know he doesnt care!  
Agh! Why cant I have a LIFE OF MY OWN?

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Okay end of another chapter, was it good? I chose the song Life of my own By 3 doors down, because I thought it fit the song

**Note:** if you want to listen to any of the songs I posted in my fic, just mail me and I can send you them if you'd like.

**Next Chapter** will be up shortly review and tell me how im doing :D


	4. Broken Home

"To have Lost"

**By:** Anoke

**Disclaimers**: I Don't own Dragonball Z Or "Broken Home" By Papa Roach

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_Broken home_

_All alone_

_Broken home_

_All alone_

Against my will I was brought back here. To my prison. My windows in my room have bars on them now, I suppose my mom made them for sayian's since I cant break them.. My door has a lock on the outside so im stuck in.. How long will I have to be in here? Locked away in my cage. Put out of sight where no one can see me? How long? I can hear them fighting, all the way in my room. It was never like this before, I thought I helped them! I thought I made things right between them again by leaving but they just keep shouting, I already asked I cant have any visitors I just need someone to talk to is all. They wont even allow that. Well I should say my father wont allow that. I havent talked to my mother yet, as soon as I was brought back I was thrown in my cage like some animal. Now it is morning. The screaming it is getting to me, all of this because of me? I would have stayed if I could spare my mother this! I never wanted to hurt her or for her to feel pain because of me. And now look what I started!

_I can't seem to fight these feelings_

_I'm caught in the middle of this_

_My wounds are not healing_

_I'm stuck in between my parents_

_I wish I had someone to talk to_

_Someone to I could confide in_

_I just wanna know the truth_

_I just wanna know the truth_

Why was I brought back here in the first place? Did my mother make my father come and get me? Or did he do it on his own? I need to know. Maybe dad was just lying to make me feel worse maybe he did want me? No.. Dad never lies.. No matter how much it would hurt someone he wouldnt lie...

_Want to know the truth_

Why? Why was I born into a loveless home? Why when I finally leave and I dragged back to stay in my prison? I know I am only 16 but still I managed for a month and a half without anyone! I could go longer! I don't know how long but atleast there was no one that called me a mistake, unwanted and a burden. he is the one that is my father! It counts all the time! Not just when I do something in martial arts he is my father when im scared, when im sick, when im happy, when im lonely.. And when im sad! He cant just turn it on and off when ever he please's!

_Broken home_

_All alone_

_I know my mother loves me_

_But does my father even care_

_If I'm sad or angry_

_You were never ever there_

_When I needed you_

_I hope you regret what you did_

_I think I know the truth_

_Your father did the same to you_

_Did the same to you_

I often think back to stories you told me about your father when I was younger, how he was a stern, cold, evil man but you still loved him, because he was your bad, he showed you no emotion, you told me you hated him for that, that he never cared, he never once held you in his arms and said I love you! Don't you realize your turning into him? How could you? Your worse! You told me stories of how he never showed he cared but you knew he did! I don't even have that! I thought you cared! I thought you loved me but I was wrong! And I cant take it!

_I'm crying day and night now_

_What is wrong with me_

_I cannot fight now_

_I feel like a weak link_

_Crying day and night now_

_What is wrong with me_

_I cannot fight now_

_I feel like a weak link_

Whats wrong with me? I keep crying I do love my father! I really do! Why does he have to hate me? Why does he make me feel unwanted! Why? Why does he show more love to my baby sister than me? I need love to! I just want things back to the way they use to be! How when we were fighting you would smile at me when I did something right! It made me feel like you were proud of me! That you loved me! Why did it all change!

_A weak link_

_Broken home_

_All alone_

You make me feel worthless! You make me feel like a piece of trash! I love you but I hate what you have become! Just go back to being my daddy! I don't want to feel bad for myself anymore I don't want to stay up crying!

_It feels bad to be alone_

_Crying by yourself, living in a broken home_

_How could I tell it so all y'all could feel it_

_Depression strikes hard just like my old earth would tell it_

_To me, her son, she told me I'm the one_

_Pain bottled up about to blow like a gun_

_Stories that I tell are nonfiction_

_And you can't take it back cause it's already done_

It hurts! Your words! Your cold eyes! They hurt! Don't you get that? Why would you hurt me? You may have never wanted me but im still apart of you! Im still your ONLY son! Your first born! I notice that screaming has stopped... I can hear footsteps coming up stairs, you both enter my room. The fighting starts again

BROKEN HOME

BROKEN HOME

"Trunks we need to know why you ran away" my mother says

"I.. I just" I start

"You just what? Spit it out brat!" my father says

"Don't call him a brat Vegeta!" my mom says

"I'll call the brat what I want!" my father replies

_Can't seem to fight these feelings_

_Caught in the middle of this_

_My wounds are not healing_

_Stuck in between my parents_

"I just!... " I try to get it out, but their screaming is to loud

"He's my son to Vegeta! Now stop calling him that!" my mother yells

"Make me!" he screams

_BROKEN HOME_

_BROKEN HOME_

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Whatcha think? You like? I thought this song fit this chapter perfectly! And it's from my favorite band Papa roach! XD review and tell me whatcha think while I work on the next chapter (dunno if I will post it today, I might if I get good reviews on this chapter)

Anoke


	5. The Kill

"To have Lost"

**By:** Anoke

**Disclaimers**: I Don't own Dragonball Z Or "The Kill" By 30 seconds to mars

**ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo**

Im sick of the screaming! Im sick of the fighting when will this stop? They wont let me get a word in! Whats the matter with them? All of this over me? I started this and im going to finish this! You say its your way no matter what. Well guess what im sick of it!

_What if I wanted to break_

_Laugh it all off in your face_

_What would you do?_

_What if I fell to the floor_

_Couldn't take all this anymore_

_What would you do?_

"You told me. This is the way it goes and tough if you don't like it! Well im sick of it! It's my turn! Now sit down and listen! Im not going to be pushed around anymore!" I scream

it was total silence, finally I have gotten their attention!

"Now you listen here -

I cut my father off ... "No! You listen here! I left because I was unwanted, a burden, I left and I was doing good for myself! Then I was dragged back here to be treated as a criminal!" I roar

_Come break me down_

_bury me, bury me_

_I am finished with you_

"You drove me to leave dad! And you act like im just some stupid child who ran away from home for no reason!" I scream

"Oh because of our little talk last time?" he asks calm

"Yes! You know the reason! You know whyI left, you know why I feel so lonley so empty inside!" I scream with tears running down my face

_What if I wanted to fight_

_Beg for the rest of my life_

_What would you do?_

_You say you wanted more_

_What are you waiting for_

_I'm not running from you_

"But im done being the little boy who patiently waits for his fathers love and respect! You don't deserve my respect! you yell and scream at me! Well guess what we are the same! I have your stubbornness, I have your face! I have your dark feelings! And I have your **rage! **im not going to be the one that always gets put down! Im not going to just sit down and take it all in!" I scream

"Trunks..." my mother starts

"All I wanted was my father to care about me!" I scream so loud pictures are falling off walls

_Come break me down_

_bury me, bury me_

_I am finished with you_

_Look in my eyes_

_You're killing me, killing me_

_All I wanted was you_

"I tired to be what you wanted me to be! The son you always wanted! But it was still no good! Everything I did was wrong! Im just a screw up!" I say more calm

After I said those words it was silent, everyone was just staring at me, I realized my baby sister even came out of her room to watch the scene I was making! I don't care! Let the world come! Let them all hear how I feel! Let them feel what I have been feeling all my life! I tried to be someone else. But it was all the same! I need to be me wether or not he cares I cant continue to be this fake person anymore I need to be me!

_I tried to be someone else_

_But nothing seemed to change_

_I know now, this is who I really am inside_

_Finally found myself_

_Fighting for a chance_

_I know now, this is who I really am_

The tears streaming down my mothers face. It seemed to make me less angry.. I was so foolish, I had one person to love me, my mother always cared and I just left.. I treated her the way my father treated me, I was so worried about making my father proud I forgot my mother was always proud of me, she cared when I was scared, when I was sick, when I was happy, when I was lonely.. And when I was sad! I just never saw it, I was blinded by my rage for my father.

_Come break me down_

_bury me, bury me_

_I am finished with you, you, you_

_Look in my eyes_

_You're killing me, killing me_

_All I wanted was you_

_Come, break me down_

_Break me down_

_Break me down_

"Mom.. Im sorry I left and hurt you but I had to leave I needed to figure some stuff out you understand don't you?" I ask

"Oh sweetheart! I never knew you felt that way!" she cries

my father just stands there no emotion in his eyes, no emotion.. At all.. Did he even hear a word I said? Or was he just blinded by his hate? 

_What if I wanted to break...?_

_What if I..._

_What if I..._

"Bulma.. I need to talk to Trunks for a minute.. " My father says "Alone" he adds..

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

what do you think? Did I make this chapter good? I thought this one was good for this chapter.. And I know I said this is stricktly a Trunks's POV story but in the last chapter I am making it Vegeta's POV so keep your eyes open to the last chapter of "To have lost"

Anoke


	6. Cold

"To have Lost"

**By:** Anoke

**Disclaimers**: I Don't own Dragonball Z Or "Cold" By Crossfade

**Remember! This is now in Vegeta's POV**

Vegeta might be a LITTLE bit out of character.

**ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo**

As my wife leaves the room, im searching my thoughts for the words. The words that will make everything alright with my son. I had no idea I hurt him like this all these years. Have I really been turning into my own father? The one person I never wanted to be like? How? How could I become him without even knowing it myself? I never wanted to act this way, to make him seem like he was nothing. But I guess what I told him didnt really help the situation..

_Looking back at me I see that I_

_Never really got it right_

_I never stopped to think of you_

_I'm always wrapped up in things I cannot win_

_You are the antidote that gets me by_

_Somethin' strong like a drug that gets me_

_High_

"Trunks.. I.. I need to talk to you" I began

"Yeah? About what are you going to tell me? what a screw up I am? Or I better just deal with it?" My son asks

"No I wasent going to say that! Damnit Trunks this is hard to say" I try to tell him!

"You've already said enough dad" He tells me

He wont listen to me.. Is this how I was acting to him? I didnt mean to be so hard on him, of course im going to be strict, and punish him when he does wrong. But I don't think this is about a punishment.. Its deeper then that. How can I make him see I didnt mean what I said? Without making it seem im just telling him that? It would be a lot easier if he wasent as stubborn as me

_What I really meant to say_

_Is I'm sorry for the way I am_

_I never meant to be so cold_

_Never meant to be so cold_

_What I really meant to say_

_Is I'm sorry for the way I am_

_I never meant to be so cold_

_Never meant to be so_ _Cold, to you,_

If I say im sorry all he will do is think im just telling him that so he will behave. I am sorry for what I said and the way I treated him but that is how you got treated on Planet Vegeta, I tried to change but I couldnt this is the way I am, but I never wanted to be my father... I never wanted Trunks to hate me the way I hated my father, yes I loved my dad, but I hated what he was.. Even though that was how you were to act on planet vegeta I still always wished for some attention from my father...

_I'm sorry 'bout all the lies_

_Maybe in a different life_

_You can see me stand on my own again_

_'Cause now I can see_

_You were the antidote that got me by_

_Somethin' strong like a drug that got me_

_High_

He doesnt seem to get that he means everything to me! He is my son! He has my blood flowing through my veins! He is me! I would die for him... have I turned him away from his sister? I always treated her better because I wanted to do right and not raise her the way I raised Trunks, but along the process I forgot I needed to change the way I treated him.. Treating my daughter different would do no good if I never stopped acting that way towards trunks.. Why was I so stupid?

_What I really meant to say_

_Is I'm sorry for the way I am_

_I never meant to be so cold_

_Never meant to be so cold_

_What I really meant to say_

_Is I'm sorry for the way I am_

_I never meant to be so cold_

_Never meant to be so cold_

I just need him to see.. I need him to know that I care!

_I never meant to be_

_So cold_

"Trunks... I " I began but he cut me off

"Would you just stop acting like you care?" he screamed

"Agh!" I yelled

I have had enough with his attitude! No matter how I treated him or anything I am his father and he will listen to what I have to say! If he wants things right again he will have to sit down and shut up! I grabbed him by the back of his neck, when I did so he shut his eyes.. Does he think im going to hit him? Normally yes that is what I would have done.. To tell you the truth thats what I would like to do!..

"I just need you to listen.. For one minute" I say while releasing him from my hold

"What?" he asks shakily

_I never really wanted you to see_

_The screwed up side of me that I keep_

_Locked inside of me so deep_

_It always seems to get to me_

"What I said in the gravity room, part of it.. It was true.. " I tell him

"What?... why are you - " I cut him off before he could say anything else

"The part I was lying about was saying you are nothing. You arnt nothing! You are my son, a Prince.. " I told him

"And you were telling the truth.. You never wanted me...?" he asks in a whisper

"Yes.. But not what you think! it is true I never wanted to be a father. But the day you were born. It was the happiest day I could remember" I told him

"What?" he asks

"Yes.. I do care for you son, you've always made me proud" I tell him

_I never really wanted you to go_

_So many things you should have known_

_I guess for me there's just no hope_

"Maybe now.. Maybe nowyou can see that I did care. Even when I didnt show it! I did care! You may not know it but everyn ight when you were sick or had a bad dream I wanted to come in and comfort you.. But my pride wouldnt let him. I always thought to myself ..You're a sayian you can handle it.. Or I would just pass it off as your mothers job.. And for that my son.. I am truly sorry" I tell him..

He is just staring at me. His eyes so much like his mothers, but his face so much like mine, he is the one that made me realize I cared for his mother, I always knew I cared for her. But I was to proud to show it until he was born.

_What I really meant to say _

_Is I'm sorry for the way I am_

_I never meant to be so cold_

_Never meant to be so cold_

"Son?" I ask him unaware of his feelings right now

"So .. You do care? And all of this could have been prevented if we just had a little talk?" he asks

"heh.. I suppose your right... Trunks I.. ..I do.. You I know I do.." I began finding it difficult just to say thoughs three words

"I know dad.. I know.. I do to. And im sorry for acting like a childish brat" I tells me

"Hah. I cant blame you.. After all you are a child and a brat.." I laugh

"Oh very funny.. .Dad..." he asks me

"Huh? What is it?" I ask him

" can I come home now?" he asks

"Heh... you are home." I tell him with my famous smirk

I get no reply from him, just the same smirk.. He is so much like me..

_What I really meant to say _

_Is I'm sorry for the way I am_

_I never meant to be so cold_

_Never meant to be so cold_

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Okay this is Vegeta's point of view.. I hope it turned out good I tried to make it not so much OOC but still make it good...

alright now this is your job if you want me to write one more chapter in trunk's POV about AFTER there talk then just review and in your review tell me to write another chapter.. xD

**hope you enjoyed the story!**

Anoke


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